What Hurts

Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts.

But not knowing which decision to take

is the worst of sufferings

-By the river Piedra I sat down and Wept

24

Okay. So today I turned 24. Now what? Lulz. Hmmm. Itulog ko na lang. 2am na! I still have work! =D

to be continued…

Bitterness

Woke up feeling bitter today. And it feels like the last four years of my life had been nothing but a lie. I was fooled. And I consented myself to be used. Sigh. Okay. Stop. I’m having so much negativity. I guess I’m just being weak again. I mean you know those moments when your heart feels so agitated with so much emotions and you want it to rest even just for a while. And then you allow your mind to take over the situation then suddenly you’ll just find yourself having enough reasons to be jealous, to be envious and to be angry. So yeah I’m being bitter. And oh I hate it! I really cannot understand why the mind and the heart should have their own way of rationalizing human issues. It’s like when you listen to your heart, you’ll look like as if you’re losing your mind but when you follow your mind, chances are you’ll suffer from a severe heartache that you could die of heart failure. See what I mean? Why don’t they just agree on one thing so that life would be easier.

And now that it’s my logical self talking, I just want to say that I’ve always been proud of the kind of relationship that I have. You know. We are so in love (or so I thought? And it’s prolly just me). We are so happy. We seldom fight. No cool-offs. No breakups. Then I remember this conversation with my sister where she told me how she and her boyfriend were so envious of the relationship that we have. And how they wished theirs would just be the same as ours.

But the tables had turned, now I’m envious of her because despite all the fights, nagging doubts and uncertainties the future brings for them, their relationship remain intact, all willing to take the test of time and distance while mine which I thought had always been perfect and wonderful was gone just like that.

Everything had been taken away from me without a warning.
Everything happened so fast.
Everything was gone just like that.

Ugh. This is pathetic. Really. I’m not even sure if I’m making sense. Sigh. Maybe tomorrow I’ll have my heart back. And maybe with some Faith too. You know having faith with the unknown. It’s like having faith with the things the mind and the heart cannot fathom. I mean at least with faith, you are in a neutral ground.

***

I’m leaving this blog soon. I’ll be moving somewhere more private. This blog isn’t safe anymore. And I don’t want some people I know offline reading my thoughts.

Dear Me

Hey Self,

I know you haven’t been well. You’re still hurting deeply, I can feel it. And though your mind says you’re happy just because you were able to patched up some things a little, your heart screams otherwise.

I know it’s unfair when everything around you stay the same and you’re not. And it sucks even more when all you want to do is to hate him so you could go on with your life but you can’t because the love is just too strong. It’s not easy to forget about all the wonderful things he did for you.

And though life with him feels like a dream now, you just have to believe it still. Because that’s the only way it can be true.

If two people are meant for each other, it doesn’t mean they are meant for each other now.

-Me

So many things

So many things I wanna do…
So many things I wanna learn…

One problem though…
I don’t know how to begin whatever it is I wanna try…

Oh well…

Hate

It’s hard to hate a person. Especially if that person is not just any person. Sigh. So I might as well keep all the hate by myself.

Loser

Know those times you just want to smack your head on the wall because you’ve been stupid enough to fail a simple task? That’s exactly how I feel right now. And it sucks! Big time! It feels like a huge and bold Loser sign is flashing on my forehead. Ugh. Loser.

Oh coolness!

Oh coolness!

This blog is dying yet again. Lol.

Out of boredom

Okay… I’m obviously bored. I can’t think of anything to blog because there’s really nothing to blog. Oh geeez. So lame. Anyway, have you heard the news? Jennylyn Mercado is 6 weeks pregnant!  Lol. At least that’s something…

Hello 2008!

The year 2007 had been pretty much eventful for me. Lot of things happened, some of which I wish had never really occurred. It’s been really a tough year for me. One hell of a rough roller coaster ride, I may say. But be that as it may, I’m very much thankful for everything. And though I’m still uncertain to what the future brings, my hopes are high that life will be better for me from this day onwards. ^_^

Happy New Year to all!